US Border Patrol to Provide Bus Service Across Mexico Border

The US Border Patrol, fed up with the expense of placing water stations in desert border areas, has decided to provide 7 bus lines to ferry the illegal immigrant across the US-Mexico border. “Frankly, we weren’t satisfied with the level of safety and ease of illegal immigration, even with water and shade stations,” says El Paso Chief Luis Woofer, “Illegal entry into the US may be a crime but it is not so serious that we should risk immigrants being harmed. We decided to strive for a higher standard of comfort and safety for illegal immigrants.” “They call that comfort?” asks Berkley professor Alan Gonzales-Rabinowitz, “I took one of these buses while investigating the US Border Patrol policy and I found them uncomfortable, smelly, and impossible to sleep on.”

“We realize there are some issues with the buses,” responded Woofer, “But our budget doesn’t allow for individually controlled climate. We keep the buses at exactly 73 degrees. The Patrol is also looking at switching to buses fueled by LPG, or natural gas. LPG is both better for the environment and devoid of the unpleasant diesel odor. In the long run, it will be cheaper as well, and we plan to use the money saved to provide full dining service instead of the sack lunches we now provide.”

“Of course that only addresses part of the problem,” says Gonzales-Rabinowitz, “These immigrants often have to travel for days to even get to the bus depots on the Mexican side. If the US Border Patrol really wanted to help, they would provide complete door-to-door transportation.”